What to Do About Defensive Behavior

21 Irrefutable Laws Of Leadership List - What to Do About Defensive Behavior

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We will have good days and we will have awful days. When we have an "awful" day our behavior is less than stellar, and it gets in the way of construction thriving relationships essential for collaboration. Defensiveness is one of those behaviors that can fan the flame of conflict. Let's observe what it is and how to turn it collaborative.

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21 Irrefutable Laws Of Leadership List

What is Defensiveness?

Simply, being defensive is when a person's mental becomes rigid. It is not about protecting yourself from other people, but protecting yourself from experiencing uncomfortable feelings within you. A defensive reaction will temporarily block the fundamental feeling that you don't want to experience. Psychologist Gary Chapin calls defensiveness "secrets we unknowingly keep from ourselves." (Happiness: Proven Ways to increase Life delight and Meaningfulness, 2004)

Here is the key - Defensiveness is Always, Always, all the time based on a fear. If man on your team is acting defensively, it would be useful to know what he or she is feeling threatened by or afraid about. When you observe this information is when you can help them work through the situation.

The insidious part of defensiveness is how it distorts our reality, causing us to spend more power on self-preservation rather than on problem solving.

Signs of Defensiveness at Work

My guess is you already know what defensiveness looks like but let me add these behaviors to the list:

Loss of humor
Wanting to be right
Wanting the last word
Endless explaining
Deadly silence
Sarcasm
Making fun of others
Blaming
Sudden illness
Confusion
Eccentricity
Being too nice
Holding a grudge
Obsessive thinking

Here is where you need to observe the responses within your team. Citizen will be defensive in separate ways. One team member could react by being overly nice, seeming confused, and come to be suddenly ill with a fast heartbeat and clammy skin. Another team member may come across as very essential and think they are so extra that the rules don't apply to them.

What You Can Do

Try these techniques when you feel yourself getting defensive or if you need to coach man on your team.

1. Acknowledge When You Are Becoming Defensive. The first step is to take responsibility for your own actions. Admit you may need help and seek it out from a manger, peers, colleagues or Human Resources.

2. Take a Time-Out. When in a state of defensive the usual corporal reaction is a rush of adrenaline. Your body is expensed with power so be deliberate in slowing down to get yourself to relax. This looks separate for everyone and could contain a short walk, deep breathing, splashing water on your face, or rescheduling a meeting until you are calm. The objective is to break the negative high power cycle.

3. Listen to Your Self-Talk. What is your internal dialogue while you are headed toward defensiveness? Since you are in a calmer frame of mind, start becoming conscious of what you are telling yourself. Are you judging without valid reasons? Are you beating yourself up? Feeling guilty? Instead, switch your thoughts 180-degrees. Begin request yourself, "What is unquestionably going on? Why is my reaction so strong? What am I afraid of?"

4. Test Your Assumptions. First, it's human nature to make assumptions and each one of us does it every day. There's nothing wrong with assumptions unless you rigidly hold on to only one position without considering others. If the key to construction thriving relationships is collaboration, then the goal of each interpersonal interaction is to generate openness and harmony. The issue lies when you do not believe the same as Another person. Allow for the possibility of Another solution when confronted with an opinion separate than yours. By remaining flexible in your thinking, Citizen tend to get less defensive than when they believe the assumption is true.

5. Disengage. Ok, this is about letting go of your ego. It's difficult not to feel personally rejected when the outcome did not go exactly your way. You want to find the balance between remaining passionate about the idea yet detached from the end result. By willingly disconnecting your sense of self-worth from the situation, you begin to see things more clearly and objectively.

6. Begin Again. It is impossible to avoid emotions in the workplace, but it is potential to recover speedily when negative emotions surface. How? Stop rehashing what went wrong and focus on letting go of your blame game. Once you let go of the past, it opens up a hereafter of possibilities.

I don't want you to get paranoid and begin mental everyone is defensive, however, just come to be more aware that unusual behaviors may want further exploration. Something in the workplace will trigger feelings or fears within us that we don't want to feel. Most Citizen don't comprehend they are acting poorly as a way of protecting themselves.

Remaining approachable and maintaining a non-defensive presence is one of the most sufficient things a leader can do when trying to build thriving team relationships.

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